Waking up from this nightmare. How's your life, what's it like there? 
Is it all what you want it to be? Does it hurt when you think about me?

Hey there WordPress. Not much has happened since I lasted posted. I saw a few of
my favourite bands live. I saw Buried In Verona, Pierce The Veil (Which, if you didn't
already know, is the band that I named this blog after,) Escape The Fate, Hand Of Mercy,
Underoath and A Day To Remember. They were all really amazing. I lost my shoes during ETF.

So it's pretty cold here in Sydney, and it's not even winter yet. I feel pretty ill and
I've sneezed a minimum of 20 times today. I really can't be bothered for school any more.
I'm too tired and lazy and I'm sick of certain things and certain people. 
I'm almost there though... Just a year and a bit left.
I'm going to see Parkway Drive and Miss May I on Friday, then I won't be going to any
concerts till September, when You Me At Six decide to come down here.
Anyone going to Soundwave Revolution? It'd be great to meet some of you. (:
Hope you're all doing well, I'll be sure to post sometime this week and describe my days.
Stay safe.
xx 

P.S; This was a photo I took in Bondi a while ago. This photo makes me so happy... 
Things were different and better. 
EDIT: Don't know what the hell happened to the font for this post, sorry about that.

Other than music, there is honestly nothing I love more in this universe than the beach. I went to Cronulla with my friends a few days ago. Usually I’m more of a Bondi chick, but Cronulla seems to be become more appealing each time I go.
I spent a small percentage of my day in the water. The waves weren’t particularly vicious, so I mostly just floated around. I don’t think I can breathe like that anywhere else.

Regardless of the fact that I’m constantly being told that I’m loved and that I’m missed, I still feel alone? I don’t really understand… I thought that maybe after I found someone who really likes me, the sadness and depression and everything that’s ever bothered me would go away. But it hasn’t.

And I don’t think people knows how serious it is. I don’t want them to know. Nobody want’s someone who’s sick. I just want to shake this…
I also feel as though I’ve gained weight lately. I don’t know if I actually have, or if I see something different to what everyone else sees. But I can’t stand to look at myself, or go out, or eat any more. I feel enormous and ugly and disgusting.

Moving on… I had a dream about rain clouds last night. They were hovering around me. Miniature versions.  I don’t know what that means. But I do love clouds.
Winter’s on it’s way, the weather’s getting colder and I shiver during the night.

I know this post was a little different to my usual ones and I know it’s a little sad/boring/more of what I would usually post on my other blog, but I thought I’d at least update so you know I’m still around.  I’m still around.

P.S; I found a moustache on the ground yesterday.

I want a tattoo on my inner left wrist, saying ‘My scars will heal.’
Shall I explain the meaning behind such a choice?

When I was in year 8, the doctor said I had depression. This was the year that I began cutting. I cut my wrists, my legs, and my waist.  This was the year that my life changed. I became indescribably unhappy. Year 9 was much the same, only worse. My problems increased, as did my cutting. Year 10 felt like the worst year of my life. I ran away, attempted suicide… more than once, and felt more lonely than ever. During this time frame, I saw psychologists, counsellors, youth and health officers, etc, etc. You name it, I saw it. No one seemed to be helping.
Towards the end of year 10, my soul mate moved away. My sister left the state, and I was left with no best friend,  no one to talk to, and no one to hold me when I cried. That girl is still the only one who understands me. Towards the middle of year 10, I began to worry about my weight. It slowing became more and more significant and I then began to realize, how much fatter than other girls I am. I’m not that fat… But compared to the other skinny, pretty and much more beautiful girls, I felt obese and disgusting. Then year 11 came, and with it, other problems. I lost the remainder of close friends that I had, and therefore became more depressed. Instead of just feeling alone now, I actually am. I’ve found new ways of harming myself as I don’t eat very often any more.  If I do, I’ll make sure it comes back up.

I can’t say that I’ve gotten better. I can’t say that I’ve gotten worse.
I’m sick. I might die, I might not. But these series of events, problems and difficulties in my life forced me to throw myself into the art world. I began drawing what I thought were meaningless artworks, paintings, etc, etc. From this, I then realized what I want to do.

I turn 17 this year. When I finish high school, I plan on going to COFA and getting a Bachelor of Fine Arts. I want to become a tattoo artist, not because it seems like a pretty fucking awesome thing to do, but because I want to engrave permanent reminders like, ‘My scars will heal,’ on the bodies  of other people with difficulties, problems and shitty lives, so they know that not only are they not alone, but they are alive.

They will make it.
Their scars will heal.

Painting your walls.

February 14, 2011


I admire children. They’re so fearless. They run around as fast as they can, eventually they fall. But then they get back up, and continue running. I wish more adults had the energy to keep running after they’ve fallen. It actually makes me a little sad to see people so quick to give up. Sure, I give up everything I start. But, I often start over after a few weeks.

I’m spending valentines day in Melbourne. Which I consider to be a good thing. I don’t think I would’ve wanted to go to school today. Where everyone is exchanging roses and hugs, I would have spent the day wishing I was going home to something better. Love is a weird word.
Four letters. One syllable, but there are no words nor syllables to define it.  I won’t lie. I do want it very badly. I want love. But then, who doesn’t?
Who doesn’t want someone missing them? And holding them? Who doesn’t want love? I haven’t met one person yet.
I can only hope that one day, we’ll meet. I don’t think I’ll give up. If I get tired and I give up, I’ll just start over.

I don’t see myself growing up any time soon, I will be a child forever. I have the energy to keep on running, even after I’ve fallen. Bruises fade, and after a while, you become immune to the pain.

#nowplaying She’s Like A Comet- Jebediah

Read the description of this song… It’s beautiful isn’t it? I won’t lie. I cried a little bit when I first read it. I love Pierce The Veil.
Going to see them in April with Escape The Fate, hopefully.

So, how have you been? I’ve been pretty capped, and therefore unable to blog much. I thought I’d blog tonight as I’m going to Melbourne tomorrow for 2 weeks. No internet, no phone.
I’m going for a wedding. I hate weddings. More than life.
The thought of being with someone forever is sweet. It sounds perfect. But I would never legally bind someone to me. I’d feel like I’m trapping them.

So, I’m in year 11 this year. Besides the change in uniform, it feels the exact same.

This guy in year 9, who has a moustache, told me to act my age today. I wanted to reply with, ‘I’m 16. I am acting my age. What about you? You have a fully grown stache and you’re 14, you act your age.’  But of coarse, I didn’t say that. He was seemingly nice and pretty cute.

I’ve found myself growing closer to different people. One person in particular. People who used to be close friends with me, are no longer taking vacancy in my heart or in my life. I’m okay with that. At the moment…

Well, I do have a shit load of other things to blog about and I’ve thought of so much things that I’d like to share with you, but I’m afraid, I have to go pack.
Be here when I get back. (:

And the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay.
Because I know I’m good for something, I just haven’t found it yet… But I need it.

See that fine specimen of a man? That’s Jensen Ackles. I’ve been watching Supernatural. After I’m done with season 4, I’m moving on to Bones and Criminal Minds.

So, I woke up today, went for a run. Then had to go to the dentist. I hate the dentist. I also hate doctors.

Today was okay for a while. Then I got lonely…
I feel completely and utterly unloved and friendless.
I miss my best friend… or ex-best friend. I need her so much.

I also have so much to do, but not enough time to do it. I’m lazy…
I’ve been occupying myself with things and people that probably aren’t good for me, but they distract me. And that makes me feel a little better.

2011 sucks so far.
Hope it’s going okay for you guys.
I’ll try to write some more, I know I’ve been neglecting it, I’ve just been too distracted.

Happy New Years.

December 31, 2010



It’s 11:00PM on New Years Eve.
Thought I’d do this now, because I won’t get a chance to later.

I want to wish all of you a Happy New Year, and I hope that you’re all safe and that you don’t end up impregnating anyone tonight.  Hope 2011 is good to you, and I also hope that you all find happiness and love and comfort in something/someone.

I don’t know where all of us will be a year from now, when we’re complaining about how fast 2011 went, but I hope we’ve all changed for the better.
I hope we’re all happy and safe and in love.
I hope we’re all alive.

So much has happened this year.
So much death, loss, tears, laughs, hugs, smiles, etc.

I just hope, there’s less of the bad and more of the good.
Happy New Year everyone.
I love each and every one of you, and I thank you for the support you’ve given me in leaving comments or asking questions on my formspring. You’re all great and you deserve so much.

Have a good one.

And if you give a damn, take me baby. Or leave me.

Everything that drains you, or makes you tired.
Everything that tells you, ‘Give up. You’re not worth it. Sink into the ground where you belong.’ The voices in your head eventually subside.

It’s my birthday in 4 days.
It might be hard for some people. They’ll have to deal with a change in their life.
Though, it won’t be that big of a change. I never made much of a difference.
But it will be one of two changes.

They will either have to deal with my death, or with my going off to find life.
As of late, though I feel drained and dead, I’m finding myself wanting to live. I’m finding myself looking at old couples and smiling. Or looking at a laughing child, and laughing back. When a few months ago, I would have turned away and frowned. I’m finding beauty in things I once looked at with such hatred.

I want to live.

There’s only us, there’s only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
No other road, no other way, no day but today.

December 10, 2010

Do you ever get the unsettling feeling that every bad thing in the world is your fault?
I’m exaggerating. Let me word it differently.
Do you ever feel like,  all the negative energy’s and occurrences around you, were caused by you and only you? And that you are the one to blame for every negative aspect that enters the lives of everyone around you?

My mother is a particularly picky woman. I made the mistake of thinking it was okay to have a go at her for it during dinner time. My father got the joke and joined in.
Big mistake. She, of coarse, got angry.  They started fighting, and soon after, silence followed.
I couldn’t eat any more, so I came here instead.

I never thought I’d dislike Christmas, but it’s starting to lose it’s magic.

And this is my reaction to everything I fear. Cause I’ve been going crazy, I don’t want to waste another minute here.

Mother has decided to have guests over. Joy.
So, I woke up this afternoon and had a potato because I was starving and that’s pretty much the only thing in the house that didn’t make me wanna throw up.
Didn’t sleep very well, but my day was pretty good yesterday.

I saw someone who means a lot to me. Which was pretty cool, I don’t get to see her much.
There was five drunk females in my house, including me.
I made a cake, it actually tastes horrible.
Apart from the fact that we made it while drunk, we didn’t follow a recipe.
Just, chucked things in. Though, it smelt great.

I have to go to Carramar tomorrow, not looking forward to that.
I don’t mind the whole, ‘seeing a health/youth counsellor’ part. She’s a lovely person.
I just don’t like the whole, ‘catch a train by yourself,’ part. I get lost while walking home sometimes… and I do it everyday.

Anyway, Shannon’s gonna go be bored elsewhere. I do think I’ve saved a draft somewhere,
might post it later today.
Have a good one.