Went to Bondi yesterday with some of my friends, the weather was fairly warm and I have the ever so slightest tan going on, you can see strap lines on my shoulders. The water was freezing cold and there were hardly any waves. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the beach so busy before.
As a comparison of my days, today is cold. It’s dark, it’s cloudy, it’s boring and I’m not spending it with anyone who means anything to me. I haven’t been this bored in a very long time, and since I seem to have lost all talent that use to reside in my right hemisphere, I can not draw nor can I write to past the time. I don’t have the patience to read, not lately. I’m unimpressed and uninspired, and I feel fairly miserable today.  Tomorrow will be much of the same.

I’m thinking of either going into prostitution or drug dealing because for some reason, normal ass forms of employment don’t want me. I think when McDonald’s rejects you, there’s really no where to go from there. Not that the idea of being around meat and oil is all that impressive to me in the first place. I have yet to buy my ticket to Amity, I have $2 and I’m fairly sure I have another $48 to save before I can get it.

There have been a few things bothering me lately. My future, my appearance, my sudden lack of any real skill or interest in anything. Everyone knows what they want to do. Everyone knows what they’re good at, and everyone’s trying to get somewhere. I’m simply existing. Barely. I have to start my major work for Art next term, I have no ideas. Not one. The creative nerves that once stemmed from my brain are dead.
I might spend the rest of today lying around watching tv, and further exhausting my laziness.

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The Freshmen

September 5, 2011

I won’t be held responsible, she fell in love in the first place.

I just wrote an entire essay that I was going to post, but I highlighted that shit and backspaced it all. None of it seems right.
I’m not sure what’s happening to me lately. I can’t draw. I can’t write. I can’t do anything. I think it’s because I’m happy, being miserable suited me well. It made me great. My cynicism and negativity fed my emotions. Now I’m too pleased to bother being creative. And I’m scared. I’m so terribly scared. I don’t want to be miserable again. I did it for too long and I’m not ready to go back to that. Thinking about it right now is making me teary. I’m getting a lump in my throat just picturing it…

To be honest, I don’t need art. I don’t need to draw or to write or to do anything that requires my right hemisphere at all. I have no desire to sit in white rooms, stringing together consonants and phrases. I have no desire to have paint all over my clothes, I have no desire to be covered in red stains. Red stains of any kind. If my cynicism is being taken away from me, and I can no longer hold a brush…
If I’m no longer allowed to be miserable, and  my sentences stop making perfect sense…
Then fine. I’ll give all that I could do, every stroke, every word, every minuscule letter. If it means I’m happy, I’ll give it all.

Urges & Vices

July 30, 2011

So this is a picture I took of my friends hand. I love cameras. They make me really happy.
I know I haven’t blogged in a while, I’ve just been going through some pretty serious home stuff and I couldn’t really bare to come here and write without dribbling around some overly melancholic sap about my life. I didn’t want to put you through that. So I’m going to stay remotely positive.

I had some coconut today, it was disgusting. I like coconut milk and coconut flakes but real, fresh coconuts are disgusting. Had to wash it down with pineapple.

I’m so tired, I honestly can not stay awake and it’s only 9pm.
My best friend is going to Spain for World Youth Day, I won’t see her for three weeks. This saddens me. I’m not looking forward to August.

I’m not sure what else to write about. I promise I’ll write more often now, I feel more intact with my creative side now than I did over the period that I went cold turkey.

Laters.


Waking up from this nightmare. How's your life, what's it like there? 
Is it all what you want it to be? Does it hurt when you think about me?

Hey there WordPress. Not much has happened since I lasted posted. I saw a few of
my favourite bands live. I saw Buried In Verona, Pierce The Veil (Which, if you didn't
already know, is the band that I named this blog after,) Escape The Fate, Hand Of Mercy,
Underoath and A Day To Remember. They were all really amazing. I lost my shoes during ETF.

So it's pretty cold here in Sydney, and it's not even winter yet. I feel pretty ill and
I've sneezed a minimum of 20 times today. I really can't be bothered for school any more.
I'm too tired and lazy and I'm sick of certain things and certain people. 
I'm almost there though... Just a year and a bit left.
I'm going to see Parkway Drive and Miss May I on Friday, then I won't be going to any
concerts till September, when You Me At Six decide to come down here.
Anyone going to Soundwave Revolution? It'd be great to meet some of you. (:
Hope you're all doing well, I'll be sure to post sometime this week and describe my days.
Stay safe.
xx 

P.S; This was a photo I took in Bondi a while ago. This photo makes me so happy... 
Things were different and better. 
EDIT: Don't know what the hell happened to the font for this post, sorry about that.

Read the description of this song… It’s beautiful isn’t it? I won’t lie. I cried a little bit when I first read it. I love Pierce The Veil.
Going to see them in April with Escape The Fate, hopefully.

So, how have you been? I’ve been pretty capped, and therefore unable to blog much. I thought I’d blog tonight as I’m going to Melbourne tomorrow for 2 weeks. No internet, no phone.
I’m going for a wedding. I hate weddings. More than life.
The thought of being with someone forever is sweet. It sounds perfect. But I would never legally bind someone to me. I’d feel like I’m trapping them.

So, I’m in year 11 this year. Besides the change in uniform, it feels the exact same.

This guy in year 9, who has a moustache, told me to act my age today. I wanted to reply with, ‘I’m 16. I am acting my age. What about you? You have a fully grown stache and you’re 14, you act your age.’  But of coarse, I didn’t say that. He was seemingly nice and pretty cute.

I’ve found myself growing closer to different people. One person in particular. People who used to be close friends with me, are no longer taking vacancy in my heart or in my life. I’m okay with that. At the moment…

Well, I do have a shit load of other things to blog about and I’ve thought of so much things that I’d like to share with you, but I’m afraid, I have to go pack.
Be here when I get back. (:

And the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay.
Because I know I’m good for something, I just haven’t found it yet… But I need it.

See that fine specimen of a man? That’s Jensen Ackles. I’ve been watching Supernatural. After I’m done with season 4, I’m moving on to Bones and Criminal Minds.

So, I woke up today, went for a run. Then had to go to the dentist. I hate the dentist. I also hate doctors.

Today was okay for a while. Then I got lonely…
I feel completely and utterly unloved and friendless.
I miss my best friend… or ex-best friend. I need her so much.

I also have so much to do, but not enough time to do it. I’m lazy…
I’ve been occupying myself with things and people that probably aren’t good for me, but they distract me. And that makes me feel a little better.

2011 sucks so far.
Hope it’s going okay for you guys.
I’ll try to write some more, I know I’ve been neglecting it, I’ve just been too distracted.

And if you give a damn, take me baby. Or leave me.

Everything that drains you, or makes you tired.
Everything that tells you, ‘Give up. You’re not worth it. Sink into the ground where you belong.’ The voices in your head eventually subside.

It’s my birthday in 4 days.
It might be hard for some people. They’ll have to deal with a change in their life.
Though, it won’t be that big of a change. I never made much of a difference.
But it will be one of two changes.

They will either have to deal with my death, or with my going off to find life.
As of late, though I feel drained and dead, I’m finding myself wanting to live. I’m finding myself looking at old couples and smiling. Or looking at a laughing child, and laughing back. When a few months ago, I would have turned away and frowned. I’m finding beauty in things I once looked at with such hatred.

I want to live.

There’s only us, there’s only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
No other road, no other way, no day but today.

And this is my reaction to everything I fear. Cause I’ve been going crazy, I don’t want to waste another minute here.

Mother has decided to have guests over. Joy.
So, I woke up this afternoon and had a potato because I was starving and that’s pretty much the only thing in the house that didn’t make me wanna throw up.
Didn’t sleep very well, but my day was pretty good yesterday.

I saw someone who means a lot to me. Which was pretty cool, I don’t get to see her much.
There was five drunk females in my house, including me.
I made a cake, it actually tastes horrible.
Apart from the fact that we made it while drunk, we didn’t follow a recipe.
Just, chucked things in. Though, it smelt great.

I have to go to Carramar tomorrow, not looking forward to that.
I don’t mind the whole, ‘seeing a health/youth counsellor’ part. She’s a lovely person.
I just don’t like the whole, ‘catch a train by yourself,’ part. I get lost while walking home sometimes… and I do it everyday.

Anyway, Shannon’s gonna go be bored elsewhere. I do think I’ve saved a draft somewhere,
might post it later today.
Have a good one.

The one where we graduate.

December 2, 2010

I made it. Year 10 is over.
Though people are saying ridiculous things like, ‘Two more years left. They’re gonna go by so fast.’
I’m not even worried about that. I highly doubt I’m going back to school for year 11 and 12.
I highly doubt I’ll see any of those people again.
I highly doubt my friends will notice I’m not there, let alone miss me.
But that’s okay.

Most of them have seemed to lose interest in me, and I actually don’t feel as affected by it as I would expect myself to be. Perhaps it’s because I’m so used to people giving up on me or leaving me, that I no longer feel the pain attached to rejection.  It’s okay.
I’ve learnt that being alone isn’t so bad.
No one expects anything from you, therefore you never disappoint.
Never having to worry about being a disappointment looks pretty good to me.

In other news, I went to Green Valley again today.
Spent $60 on make-up, moisturiser, a can of v, shampoo, deodorant and gum.
Yeah, wow. But on the upside, the really pretty girl at the register asked me where I got my leopard print bows from. :’) Her name was Emily. She’s one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen.
She’s one of those girls who have the perfect skin and perfect beach blonde hair and blue eyes.
The kind of girl that can tie her hair up in a bun, and still look better than me on my best days.

I’m actually shivering right now, it’s pretty cold.
The weather lately has been seriously fucked up. It’s having some intense mood swings, and I’ve gotta admit, I’m enjoying it. Not getting bored.
I might go shower or draw for a bit.
Be back soon ❤
I have more to talk about.

I’ve got a Casino Electric. It looks like a blue Stratrocaster. I really hate the shape, I can’t stand it.
I really wanna white Gibson ES. They’re amazing.  Maybe, one day. I need a job.

So, I spent today walking down to Green Valley. I’ve had Red bull, V, coffee and some ice cubes.
Bought some Conditioner.

On my way home, I left my two cans near my other V can. If you’re from around here, they’re sitting near Aubrey Keech Reserve, leaning on a fence. Since I got home, I’ve been listening to The Libertines, The Kooks, Green Day, and Killing Joke, while looking at guitars and trying to find the sexiest one. I’m starting to feel  a little sick and I’ve got a headache, I think it’s because I’m wearing a jumper in this heat, but I can’t be bothered taking it off.
My family are putting up the Christmas tree up today.  Or rather, they’re washing it, then putting it up. I don’t like participating in the whole, ‘decorating the house for Christmas’ thing. Simply because, it depress’ me. Knowing that I’m spending, yet another Christmas in this place terrifies me.

I hate drinking water, because not only does it taste like nothing, it somehow manages to still be gross. But, my mother had a go at me for not drinking enough, so I got myself into a bet and now I have to drink 2 litre’s of this liquid air a day. I’m going to be pissing like crazy.

What are you doing today? I feel slightly at peace.  I don’t know why, but it seems like something about today has just relaxed me. I mean, I feel active and I want to run around in circles and such, but at the same time, I feel like I’ve just had an amazing sleep. I wonder how long this will last for?

How do you feel? Also, what are some of your favourite musicians? I wanna know what you guys are in to.