Here’s a delightful little picture of my cousin’s belongings~

With these things there’s no telling, we just have to wait and see.
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck, than waiting to win the lottery.

Hello, hello, hello.
Before I go any further into how I’ve been and what’s been happening with me, I’m billing over my sincerest apologies for yet again, not updating at a consistent pace.
I’m overall at a very happy place right now. My home situation isn’t that enjoyable but I’ve come to recognize that it won’t be my home situation forever.
I’m in year 12 now, I’m hoping to somehow muster enough money to get into Shillington College, I’m not really good at much else. If all else fails, I plan on cutting hair for a living.
I can’t wait until these next 3 terms are over, oh the burden that will be lifted of my chest, I can’t wait for that relief.

I can’t wait till it’s over and I can laugh to all those people that said, ‘Enjoy it while you can, when you work, you’ll wish you were at school.’ I will never miss school, all of my schooling life was and will be hell. And even if I don’t enjoy my job, I’ll get paid for it. Compromise~

I’m not that stressed or worried about anything right now. Conor Oberst’s voice has been repeating for the past two hours and something about it, and knowing I’m safe and comfortable for once, makes me feel at ease.
Have you ever felt so happy that you just wanted to cry? I’ve been feeling that lately. I feel like sobbing because I can’t believe it. If you’ve ever been sad, if you’ve ever known sadness or pain, or depression or loss, or hurt… If you’ve ever known any of it, you’ll understand what I’m talking about when I refer to that heavy feeling on your chest, as though there’s an elephant sitting on your lungs.

If you’ve ever recovered, or been on your way to it, you’ll understand how it must feel when that elephant finally decides to get up.
If you have ever recovered, congratulations. Enjoy your happy tears, you deserve them. You made it. And if you haven’t recovered yet, don’t stress. Just keep breathing. That elephant will get tired of sitting soon, have faith.

 

Went to Bondi yesterday with some of my friends, the weather was fairly warm and I have the ever so slightest tan going on, you can see strap lines on my shoulders. The water was freezing cold and there were hardly any waves. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the beach so busy before.
As a comparison of my days, today is cold. It’s dark, it’s cloudy, it’s boring and I’m not spending it with anyone who means anything to me. I haven’t been this bored in a very long time, and since I seem to have lost all talent that use to reside in my right hemisphere, I can not draw nor can I write to past the time. I don’t have the patience to read, not lately. I’m unimpressed and uninspired, and I feel fairly miserable today.  Tomorrow will be much of the same.

I’m thinking of either going into prostitution or drug dealing because for some reason, normal ass forms of employment don’t want me. I think when McDonald’s rejects you, there’s really no where to go from there. Not that the idea of being around meat and oil is all that impressive to me in the first place. I have yet to buy my ticket to Amity, I have $2 and I’m fairly sure I have another $48 to save before I can get it.

There have been a few things bothering me lately. My future, my appearance, my sudden lack of any real skill or interest in anything. Everyone knows what they want to do. Everyone knows what they’re good at, and everyone’s trying to get somewhere. I’m simply existing. Barely. I have to start my major work for Art next term, I have no ideas. Not one. The creative nerves that once stemmed from my brain are dead.
I might spend the rest of today lying around watching tv, and further exhausting my laziness.

Urges & Vices

July 30, 2011

So this is a picture I took of my friends hand. I love cameras. They make me really happy.
I know I haven’t blogged in a while, I’ve just been going through some pretty serious home stuff and I couldn’t really bare to come here and write without dribbling around some overly melancholic sap about my life. I didn’t want to put you through that. So I’m going to stay remotely positive.

I had some coconut today, it was disgusting. I like coconut milk and coconut flakes but real, fresh coconuts are disgusting. Had to wash it down with pineapple.

I’m so tired, I honestly can not stay awake and it’s only 9pm.
My best friend is going to Spain for World Youth Day, I won’t see her for three weeks. This saddens me. I’m not looking forward to August.

I’m not sure what else to write about. I promise I’ll write more often now, I feel more intact with my creative side now than I did over the period that I went cold turkey.

Laters.


Waking up from this nightmare. How's your life, what's it like there? 
Is it all what you want it to be? Does it hurt when you think about me?

Hey there WordPress. Not much has happened since I lasted posted. I saw a few of
my favourite bands live. I saw Buried In Verona, Pierce The Veil (Which, if you didn't
already know, is the band that I named this blog after,) Escape The Fate, Hand Of Mercy,
Underoath and A Day To Remember. They were all really amazing. I lost my shoes during ETF.

So it's pretty cold here in Sydney, and it's not even winter yet. I feel pretty ill and
I've sneezed a minimum of 20 times today. I really can't be bothered for school any more.
I'm too tired and lazy and I'm sick of certain things and certain people. 
I'm almost there though... Just a year and a bit left.
I'm going to see Parkway Drive and Miss May I on Friday, then I won't be going to any
concerts till September, when You Me At Six decide to come down here.
Anyone going to Soundwave Revolution? It'd be great to meet some of you. (:
Hope you're all doing well, I'll be sure to post sometime this week and describe my days.
Stay safe.
xx 

P.S; This was a photo I took in Bondi a while ago. This photo makes me so happy... 
Things were different and better. 
EDIT: Don't know what the hell happened to the font for this post, sorry about that.

Painting your walls.

February 14, 2011


I admire children. They’re so fearless. They run around as fast as they can, eventually they fall. But then they get back up, and continue running. I wish more adults had the energy to keep running after they’ve fallen. It actually makes me a little sad to see people so quick to give up. Sure, I give up everything I start. But, I often start over after a few weeks.

I’m spending valentines day in Melbourne. Which I consider to be a good thing. I don’t think I would’ve wanted to go to school today. Where everyone is exchanging roses and hugs, I would have spent the day wishing I was going home to something better. Love is a weird word.
Four letters. One syllable, but there are no words nor syllables to define it.  I won’t lie. I do want it very badly. I want love. But then, who doesn’t?
Who doesn’t want someone missing them? And holding them? Who doesn’t want love? I haven’t met one person yet.
I can only hope that one day, we’ll meet. I don’t think I’ll give up. If I get tired and I give up, I’ll just start over.

I don’t see myself growing up any time soon, I will be a child forever. I have the energy to keep on running, even after I’ve fallen. Bruises fade, and after a while, you become immune to the pain.

#nowplaying She’s Like A Comet- Jebediah

Read the description of this song… It’s beautiful isn’t it? I won’t lie. I cried a little bit when I first read it. I love Pierce The Veil.
Going to see them in April with Escape The Fate, hopefully.

So, how have you been? I’ve been pretty capped, and therefore unable to blog much. I thought I’d blog tonight as I’m going to Melbourne tomorrow for 2 weeks. No internet, no phone.
I’m going for a wedding. I hate weddings. More than life.
The thought of being with someone forever is sweet. It sounds perfect. But I would never legally bind someone to me. I’d feel like I’m trapping them.

So, I’m in year 11 this year. Besides the change in uniform, it feels the exact same.

This guy in year 9, who has a moustache, told me to act my age today. I wanted to reply with, ‘I’m 16. I am acting my age. What about you? You have a fully grown stache and you’re 14, you act your age.’  But of coarse, I didn’t say that. He was seemingly nice and pretty cute.

I’ve found myself growing closer to different people. One person in particular. People who used to be close friends with me, are no longer taking vacancy in my heart or in my life. I’m okay with that. At the moment…

Well, I do have a shit load of other things to blog about and I’ve thought of so much things that I’d like to share with you, but I’m afraid, I have to go pack.
Be here when I get back. (:

The one where we graduate.

December 2, 2010

I made it. Year 10 is over.
Though people are saying ridiculous things like, ‘Two more years left. They’re gonna go by so fast.’
I’m not even worried about that. I highly doubt I’m going back to school for year 11 and 12.
I highly doubt I’ll see any of those people again.
I highly doubt my friends will notice I’m not there, let alone miss me.
But that’s okay.

Most of them have seemed to lose interest in me, and I actually don’t feel as affected by it as I would expect myself to be. Perhaps it’s because I’m so used to people giving up on me or leaving me, that I no longer feel the pain attached to rejection.  It’s okay.
I’ve learnt that being alone isn’t so bad.
No one expects anything from you, therefore you never disappoint.
Never having to worry about being a disappointment looks pretty good to me.

In other news, I went to Green Valley again today.
Spent $60 on make-up, moisturiser, a can of v, shampoo, deodorant and gum.
Yeah, wow. But on the upside, the really pretty girl at the register asked me where I got my leopard print bows from. :’) Her name was Emily. She’s one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen.
She’s one of those girls who have the perfect skin and perfect beach blonde hair and blue eyes.
The kind of girl that can tie her hair up in a bun, and still look better than me on my best days.

I’m actually shivering right now, it’s pretty cold.
The weather lately has been seriously fucked up. It’s having some intense mood swings, and I’ve gotta admit, I’m enjoying it. Not getting bored.
I might go shower or draw for a bit.
Be back soon ❤
I have more to talk about.

I really love this photo.

I just realized that I never really told you what I thought of The Virgin Suicides. I loved it.
I left me feeling just a little bit disturbed/violated, but I thought it was brilliant. Now, my teachers at school are taking my laptop for the holidays, so I won’t be able to watch very many movies any more. I’ll have to make do with what I have, which is a major disappointment, because I’ve seen all of them a hundred times.  I was thinking of watching Girl, Interrupted tonight. I’m not too sure though, have you seen it? What’d you think?

Any movie recommendations? What’s your favourite?
I spent the day in a nursing home today. It made me realize how badly I do not want to age.
The 27 Club for the win. Those people have no one. They do the same thing every single day, yet they still have enough satisfaction in their lives to keep on living. I don’t know how they do it.
How are they still breathing and smiling at that age and in that loneliness, when I’m surrounded, and I think about giving up every 5 seconds?
They look so fragile, but they’re so strong.

I’ve got three days of school left. Can’t wait till it’s over. I’m not going to miss that place, or those people. They’re horrid. School’s so pointless. I haven’t learnt anything of value as of yet.
Anyway, I’m going to finish watching Rent. Love that movie.

Fun Tips: If you press Ctrl + T in Itunes, the visualizer comes up.
Pressing Q, W, A, S, Z, or X will change the visual. Yes, I did just realize this.
I’m slow. (: