Went to Bondi yesterday with some of my friends, the weather was fairly warm and I have the ever so slightest tan going on, you can see strap lines on my shoulders. The water was freezing cold and there were hardly any waves. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the beach so busy before.
As a comparison of my days, today is cold. It’s dark, it’s cloudy, it’s boring and I’m not spending it with anyone who means anything to me. I haven’t been this bored in a very long time, and since I seem to have lost all talent that use to reside in my right hemisphere, I can not draw nor can I write to past the time. I don’t have the patience to read, not lately. I’m unimpressed and uninspired, and I feel fairly miserable today.  Tomorrow will be much of the same.

I’m thinking of either going into prostitution or drug dealing because for some reason, normal ass forms of employment don’t want me. I think when McDonald’s rejects you, there’s really no where to go from there. Not that the idea of being around meat and oil is all that impressive to me in the first place. I have yet to buy my ticket to Amity, I have $2 and I’m fairly sure I have another $48 to save before I can get it.

There have been a few things bothering me lately. My future, my appearance, my sudden lack of any real skill or interest in anything. Everyone knows what they want to do. Everyone knows what they’re good at, and everyone’s trying to get somewhere. I’m simply existing. Barely. I have to start my major work for Art next term, I have no ideas. Not one. The creative nerves that once stemmed from my brain are dead.
I might spend the rest of today lying around watching tv, and further exhausting my laziness.

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Urges & Vices

July 30, 2011

So this is a picture I took of my friends hand. I love cameras. They make me really happy.
I know I haven’t blogged in a while, I’ve just been going through some pretty serious home stuff and I couldn’t really bare to come here and write without dribbling around some overly melancholic sap about my life. I didn’t want to put you through that. So I’m going to stay remotely positive.

I had some coconut today, it was disgusting. I like coconut milk and coconut flakes but real, fresh coconuts are disgusting. Had to wash it down with pineapple.

I’m so tired, I honestly can not stay awake and it’s only 9pm.
My best friend is going to Spain for World Youth Day, I won’t see her for three weeks. This saddens me. I’m not looking forward to August.

I’m not sure what else to write about. I promise I’ll write more often now, I feel more intact with my creative side now than I did over the period that I went cold turkey.

Laters.

And this is my reaction to everything I fear. Cause I’ve been going crazy, I don’t want to waste another minute here.

Mother has decided to have guests over. Joy.
So, I woke up this afternoon and had a potato because I was starving and that’s pretty much the only thing in the house that didn’t make me wanna throw up.
Didn’t sleep very well, but my day was pretty good yesterday.

I saw someone who means a lot to me. Which was pretty cool, I don’t get to see her much.
There was five drunk females in my house, including me.
I made a cake, it actually tastes horrible.
Apart from the fact that we made it while drunk, we didn’t follow a recipe.
Just, chucked things in. Though, it smelt great.

I have to go to Carramar tomorrow, not looking forward to that.
I don’t mind the whole, ‘seeing a health/youth counsellor’ part. She’s a lovely person.
I just don’t like the whole, ‘catch a train by yourself,’ part. I get lost while walking home sometimes… and I do it everyday.

Anyway, Shannon’s gonna go be bored elsewhere. I do think I’ve saved a draft somewhere,
might post it later today.
Have a good one.

I really love this photo.

I just realized that I never really told you what I thought of The Virgin Suicides. I loved it.
I left me feeling just a little bit disturbed/violated, but I thought it was brilliant. Now, my teachers at school are taking my laptop for the holidays, so I won’t be able to watch very many movies any more. I’ll have to make do with what I have, which is a major disappointment, because I’ve seen all of them a hundred times.  I was thinking of watching Girl, Interrupted tonight. I’m not too sure though, have you seen it? What’d you think?

Any movie recommendations? What’s your favourite?
I spent the day in a nursing home today. It made me realize how badly I do not want to age.
The 27 Club for the win. Those people have no one. They do the same thing every single day, yet they still have enough satisfaction in their lives to keep on living. I don’t know how they do it.
How are they still breathing and smiling at that age and in that loneliness, when I’m surrounded, and I think about giving up every 5 seconds?
They look so fragile, but they’re so strong.

I’ve got three days of school left. Can’t wait till it’s over. I’m not going to miss that place, or those people. They’re horrid. School’s so pointless. I haven’t learnt anything of value as of yet.
Anyway, I’m going to finish watching Rent. Love that movie.

Fun Tips: If you press Ctrl + T in Itunes, the visualizer comes up.
Pressing Q, W, A, S, Z, or X will change the visual. Yes, I did just realize this.
I’m slow. (:

If it wasn’t completely obvious, the photos I post aren’t mine unless stated otherwise. This one was from Paul Griffiths website.

#nowplaying Slow Dancing In A Burning Room- John Mayer

My door is slowly closing by itself. Wind or ghost?
So I had a terrible, terrible day yesterday. And today’s probably gonna be just as terrible. However, this is more of a painful terrible. I feel so fucking lonely and it hurts knowing I’m probably gonna feel like this forever. I just want to stop feeling so alone all the time.  It’s really the worse. Especially since everyone else around me is seemingly happy, or they’re complaining about stupid things.
I have to go back to school tomorrow. Not looking forward to it at all. Really don’t want to. I might go and see how many people there are. If there isn’t much, I’m just gonna stop going all together. It’s not like anyone even notices I’m not there.

I should probably be spending more time on my other blog today.

Anyway, I included that picture because I think it’s so beautiful. I really wish I lived in England. I would give anything to be there right now.
Where do you wish you were?

Good afternoon WordPress. I hope you’re all having a decent day.
Hope you’re spending it with your decent family, in your decent house having a decent time being all decent. In total, I only spent about 6 hours at school this week, and it was horrible.
My hair is so curly right now. I feel like… Wait… What’s something curly? I don’t know.
You’re going to have excuse me for my lack of enthusiasm today, and also for my lack of posting yesterday. I received some very terrible news at school yesterday, and though I won’t get into it, I will say that it’s put me in a terrible position and I’m left feeling more alone than ever.
I did vent on my other wordpress, if you wanna try and puzzle through my mind.
It’s here.

I also walked past my can of V yesterday, though I didn’t get a chance to take a picture. It’s still standing strong. I’m off to draw for a bit. Too much thinking is happening in my mind right now.

I leave you with a riddle, you can comment and try and guess the answer, or whatever you want. Comments are always loved. Also, if you want me to check our your blog and comment back, let me know, I’d be more than happy. Sharing is caring.

Riddle: What is it that you break even when you name it?
Guess, guess, guess.

In case you were wondering what on earth I looked like, here’s a picture of me, holding a picture of me.
Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I can see a little bit of a resemblance between the two me’s. Today for example, I noticed the shape of my face and the way I still look kinda cross-eyed, makes me look like I’m still five.
I actually feel a little taller today, although if I went outside I’d probably feel short again.
I’m starving but there’s nothing in this god damn house that even looks edible. What do normal people eat? I think I might have to go to school tomorrow. It’s horrible. Everyone always says, ‘I’d rather be in school, you’re so lucky. You have it easy.’ These people piss me off. There is no community worse than high school. Anyone who wasn’t a popular, slutty microbe in high school, would know this. Its’ the worst possible place for a teenager to be, besides my house of coarse.

I decided to vacumn my room today, as I kept stepping on weird unmentionable sharp objects. I don’t even know what half of them were, but they’re sucked into the vacumn cleaner now.
What would happen if you tripped and the vacumn sucked up your scrotum? I assume you’d like, implode from the pain? I don’t know. I don’t have a ballsack.
I also just realized, I suck at vacumning. Just found a little bindy. What even…

It’s such a beautiful day outside. Not usually the kind of day I find beautiful though, I’m more of a rain person, but it really is amazing outside today.
I’m just going to continue sitting here, on the floor of my room, typing my ass off.
Wish I was allowed to go out. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so white and Zachary wouldn’t call me a cracker.
What the hell am I supposed to do today? I can’t even think of anything remotely close to interesting. Everything is boring or stupid or redundant.