Went to Bondi yesterday with some of my friends, the weather was fairly warm and I have the ever so slightest tan going on, you can see strap lines on my shoulders. The water was freezing cold and there were hardly any waves. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the beach so busy before.
As a comparison of my days, today is cold. It’s dark, it’s cloudy, it’s boring and I’m not spending it with anyone who means anything to me. I haven’t been this bored in a very long time, and since I seem to have lost all talent that use to reside in my right hemisphere, I can not draw nor can I write to past the time. I don’t have the patience to read, not lately. I’m unimpressed and uninspired, and I feel fairly miserable today.  Tomorrow will be much of the same.

I’m thinking of either going into prostitution or drug dealing because for some reason, normal ass forms of employment don’t want me. I think when McDonald’s rejects you, there’s really no where to go from there. Not that the idea of being around meat and oil is all that impressive to me in the first place. I have yet to buy my ticket to Amity, I have $2 and I’m fairly sure I have another $48 to save before I can get it.

There have been a few things bothering me lately. My future, my appearance, my sudden lack of any real skill or interest in anything. Everyone knows what they want to do. Everyone knows what they’re good at, and everyone’s trying to get somewhere. I’m simply existing. Barely. I have to start my major work for Art next term, I have no ideas. Not one. The creative nerves that once stemmed from my brain are dead.
I might spend the rest of today lying around watching tv, and further exhausting my laziness.

Other than music, there is honestly nothing I love more in this universe than the beach. I went to Cronulla with my friends a few days ago. Usually I’m more of a Bondi chick, but Cronulla seems to be become more appealing each time I go.
I spent a small percentage of my day in the water. The waves weren’t particularly vicious, so I mostly just floated around. I don’t think I can breathe like that anywhere else.

Regardless of the fact that I’m constantly being told that I’m loved and that I’m missed, I still feel alone? I don’t really understand… I thought that maybe after I found someone who really likes me, the sadness and depression and everything that’s ever bothered me would go away. But it hasn’t.

And I don’t think people knows how serious it is. I don’t want them to know. Nobody want’s someone who’s sick. I just want to shake this…
I also feel as though I’ve gained weight lately. I don’t know if I actually have, or if I see something different to what everyone else sees. But I can’t stand to look at myself, or go out, or eat any more. I feel enormous and ugly and disgusting.

Moving on… I had a dream about rain clouds last night. They were hovering around me. Miniature versions.  I don’t know what that means. But I do love clouds.
Winter’s on it’s way, the weather’s getting colder and I shiver during the night.

I know this post was a little different to my usual ones and I know it’s a little sad/boring/more of what I would usually post on my other blog, but I thought I’d at least update so you know I’m still around.  I’m still around.

P.S; I found a moustache on the ground yesterday.