I’m finding it hard to breathe, and I’ve been drowning in my own sleep.

April 14, 2011

Other than music, there is honestly nothing I love more in this universe than the beach. I went to Cronulla with my friends a few days ago. Usually I’m more of a Bondi chick, but Cronulla seems to be become more appealing each time I go.
I spent a small percentage of my day in the water. The waves weren’t particularly vicious, so I mostly just floated around. I don’t think I can breathe like that anywhere else.

Regardless of the fact that I’m constantly being told that I’m loved and that I’m missed, I still feel alone? I don’t really understand… I thought that maybe after I found someone who really likes me, the sadness and depression and everything that’s ever bothered me would go away. But it hasn’t.

And I don’t think people knows how serious it is. I don’t want them to know. Nobody want’s someone who’s sick. I just want to shake this…
I also feel as though I’ve gained weight lately. I don’t know if I actually have, or if I see something different to what everyone else sees. But I can’t stand to look at myself, or go out, or eat any more. I feel enormous and ugly and disgusting.

Moving on… I had a dream about rain clouds last night. They were hovering around me. Miniature versions.  I don’t know what that means. But I do love clouds.
Winter’s on it’s way, the weather’s getting colder and I shiver during the night.

I know this post was a little different to my usual ones and I know it’s a little sad/boring/more of what I would usually post on my other blog, but I thought I’d at least update so you know I’m still around.  I’m still around.

P.S; I found a moustache on the ground yesterday.

4 Responses to “I’m finding it hard to breathe, and I’ve been drowning in my own sleep.”

  1. Quick sidenote: what’s your “other” blog?

    I love to stumble across blogs that illustrate a great view or perspective on what mental health issue they are facing. I’ve found, and recommended for my own clients, to use writing as a form of catharsis.

    Great photos on your site as well.


  2. Danniel said

    I hope things have been going well with your boyfriend. Even though he’s a good guy it may just take you awhile before you can really be happy and comforted with the whole situation. I don’t know. I hope it gets better though.

    I love the beach too. But our beaches aren’t anywhere near as beautiful as the ones you have there. Plus the water is really cold up near Oregon.

    • shannondotjpeg said

      Things have been alright. I’m still not used to it… I think because of this, I’m finding it difficult to be the best girlfriend, but I’m trying. I hope it gets better too.
      And you should really come around sometime and check out our beaches, they’re so unbelievably beautiful. Nothing can compare(:

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